are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
