saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
