WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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