he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
