she woke up with a sticky ear
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
