Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
