so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
please don't ironically join a cult
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