Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
