No awkward lesbian experiences without me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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