You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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