I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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