I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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