I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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