Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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