I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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