I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
