fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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