KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
