I hope mine doesn't look like that
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
