We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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