fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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