Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
