I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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