she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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