Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
