we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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