im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
