Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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