Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
