had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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