Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
