I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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