maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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