And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
