Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
