I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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