My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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