i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
