Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
