yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
