Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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