Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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