Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
