The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
