apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
