I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
