Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
