my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
