I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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