she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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