Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
as a side note pls kill me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
